Archive for the ‘Funnies’ Category

Spring day just around the corner and it seems that love is in the air as a few of my mates recently got engaged.

We (the unconventional folks at Versus) was wondering what is the lamest and unconventional ways to get engaged.

Here is a list of the 7 lamest ways to propose marriage.

Can you add a few?

The list:

7. In a Twitter message:  “Dearest Guinevere, U R the luv of my life. Please make me the happiest man in the world and marry me. Text me your answer”

6. On an answering machine:

“Hi babe. I can see you’re not there. Like I was just wondering, sort of, if you fancied getting hitched like on Monday. That is if you haven’t got anything better to do that morning?”

5. On the phone.

“Hi, is this the Lorento’s?”

“Yeh well this is Mike. Could I speak to Mary-Anne please?”

“Oh she’s in the shower”

“Would I like to leave a message? Ehh O.K.”

“If it’s not too much trouble could you ask her if she would like to marry me?”

4. At the deportation office, even though there are plenty of witnesses there to chose from.

3. In your apartment while going over your bills.

“Priscella, I’ve just been going over the numbers and it would seem that if we got married we could save $1500 a month on our taxes. What do you say?”

2. “Wow I didn’t see that van coming. Are you O.K. ’cause I have  something I want to ask you?”

And the #1 worst way to propose

1. In a McDonald’s with an edible ring hidden inside a double whopper. The guy who actually did this deserved to be turned down.

Source: taitegallery.net

Hey, Hey,  Hey its Friday and surfed the net for something else and came across a few Gary Larson cartoons.

I showed it to some of the other unconventional folks (my wacky colleagues) and they loved it.

These unusual and funny cartoons has been around for many a year and this week’s Versus unconventional person/ artist of the week goes to Gary Larson the legend

Here are a few of his cartoons

Trying to kill time at work I spotted this funny prank.

Pat you are mean but original so you take the Versus unconventional deed of the week.

Only the best becomes the winner of Idols. But some people have become ‘famous’ for doing stuff not directly related to their singing abilities.

This guy, who auditioned for American Idols, was rated one of the worst idols performers ever.

His clip got more than 1.3 million views on YouTube. 

We really had a good laugh at this guy and his unique way of performing Ricky Martin’s song. He is the unconventional guy of the week .

The World Cup is over and now it back to the real world. In the World Cup spirit, many people bought a vuvuzela and little did they know that there is a few alternative and unconventional uses for this South African ‘horn’.

The unconventional folks of Versus Wines thought these are pretty useful post World Cup vuvuzela uses:

1. Use it to blow some life into a slow-burning braai fire
2. Use it as a cheap hearing aid if the batteries on the old one go flat
3. Use it as a poop scoop
4. Use as a self-defence weapon
5. Use it as a toilet plunger
6. Use it to wake up teenagers in the morning
7. Record the sound and use it as your cellphone ringtone
8. Fill with cement and use as a dumb bell
9. Use it if your car hooter has packed up
10. Use to borrow some petrol from your neighbour

Source: yworld.co.za

I was sad when England was eliminated from the World Cup but sometimes there is humour in tragedy.

 This is great ‘poster’. I enjoyed “An Inevitable Production” at the bottom.

The vuvuzela has come under scrutiny from soccer players, fans and the media. It seems that some people believes that  this instrument are deemed to be extremly anoying but it is not a new thing.

Check out this painting from the 17^th century, this guy is really anoyed by this ancient vuvuzela.

I like the vuvuzela ,it gives this World Cup a unconventional and African feeling.

Viva, Vuvuzela, Viva.

Last night I met a few German soccer fans and we had great night with a few bottles of Versus wines.

Their English was pretty good and they told me about this hilarious TV ad about learning English.

Here is the ad. See it for yourself.

Some dance styles are just outrageously stupid but some people are still doing these moves on dance floors.

Moves like The Sprinkler, Window Cleaner, The Mummy and of course The Chicken are still among us.

The guys at Malun TV’s School of Cool show the Top 10 disastrous dance moves.

Can you add more despicable dance moves?

Although unconventional brand Versus, supports unusual thinking (acts) , we cannot help but agree that some of these dance moves should be banned.

A stable of young-gun comedians are gearing up for Splashy Fen.

Booked to do a daily comedy hour at the festival, several of Durban’s top (and rated among SA’s best) comedians will be performing in the Versus tent from Thursday through to Sunday. That’s right, Versus returns to Splashy Fen this year, proving that this unconventional wine brand is the life-blood of the party.

Comedians lined up for the daily comedy hour include Glen Bo, Simmi Areff, Robby Collins, Jem Atkins, Gareth Woods, Little Paul and Neil Green, among others.

Glen Bo has performed at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and was a regular on the UK comedy scene before returning home where he tours and performs in theatres, clubs, dingy smoky pubs and at big comedy festivals. He’s an award-winning globe-trotter, leading the comedians into battle. He was born in Mooinooi. It means pretty girl. It’s a real place.

Simmi Areff (from the ECR breakfast team) is a young effervescent Muslim comedian who has opened for John Vlismas. Known for his parody songs, Simmi is young, single and carries a pipe wherever he goes. This is why he is single.

Robby Collins was voted KZN’s ‘Best Newcomer’ of 2008 and is a regular at DSOC, Punchlines! and 99% Zulu shows. He is from Sydenham/Overport and wears his granddad’s hat. He is currently billed to open for Trevor Noah in Joburg.

Gareth Woods hails from the ‘bustling metropolis’ of Klerksdorp. He’s a graduated scientist and trainer lawyer and, within his first year of stand-up, won the 5FM Fresh Drive Comedy Competition and opened for Trevor Noah.

Little Paul has been part of the Durban underground comedy resurgence since it started in 2007. His humour has been described as dry, and is based mostly around personal, cultural and political observations.

Jem Atkins is KZN’s ‘Best Newcomer’ of 2009 and also made it to the third round of SA’s Got Talent on SABC in the same year.

Neil Green is a regular on the ‘Bruin Ou’s’ comedy shows and performs on the DSOC scene.

Dusty Rich is a skilled tattooist and resident of Toti. He brings a degree of grit and self-deprecation, which is steeped in honesty and hilarity. He recently toured to Cape Town, playing the club scene.

To view the complete comedy programme at the Versus tent visit: www.splashyfen.co.za

The other day I lost a bet with a friend. He said a guy married his pillow and I didn’t believe him. Well here is the proof of this outrageously weird event (and now I owe my friend a bottle of unconventional Versus).

True love can take many forms. In this case, it has taken the form of a Korean man falling in love with, and eventually marrying, a large pillow with a picture of a woman on it.

This guy gave new meaning to pillow talk and will he ever have a pillow fight with his wife?

Lee Jin-gyu fell for his ‘dakimakura’ – a kind of large, huggable pillow from Japan, often with a picture of a popular anime character printed on the side.

In Lee’s case, his beloved pillow has an image of Fate Testarossa, from the ‘magical girl’ anime series Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha.

Now the 28-year-old otaku (a Japanese term that roughly translates to somewhere between ‘obsessive’ and ‘nerd’) has wed the pillow in a special ceremony, after fitting it out with a wedding dress for the service in front of a local priest. Their nuptials were eagerly chronicled by the local media.

‘He is completely obsessed with this pillow and takes it everywhere,’ said one friend.

‘They go out to the park or the funfair where it will go on all the rides with him. Then when he goes out to eat he takes it with him and it gets its own seat and its own meal,’ they added.

The pillow marriage is not the first similarly-themed unusual marriage in recent times – it comes after a Japanese otaku married his virtual girlfriend Nene Anegasaki, a character who only exists in the Nintendo DS game Love Plus, last November.

Read more on www.metro.co.uk

An extreme tattoo can be totally hardcore . Unless you spell it “exreme.” Then it’s just hilarious.

We’ve compiled some of the funniest tattoo misspellings we could find. Either these folks had no access to spell check or are simply oblivious to the mistake. Regardless, they cracked us up.

For more misspelled tattoos visit: huffingtonpost.com

Versus Brand News

Unconventional wine brand Versus, recently co-sponsored the Southern Ink Xposure  (aka Cape Town Tattoo Convention). Versus Wines, which aligns itself with unusual, fun and interesting events promoted their range of wines at this event.

To add some excitement to the often otherwise dreary library environment, a group of students created a real-life Pacman in their varsity library. Unconventional wine brand, Versus, salutes these students for thinking out of the box.

The silly season is upon us and someone , in moment of madness will suggest a karaoke.

If you are caught in this situation …one tip, don’t sing Love Hurts.

The reason is because the most difficult karaoke-standard song i.e. definitely can find in any karaoke bar is, IMHO, Nazareth’s Love Hurts… at maximum key. Yep, it is more difficult than working out which home insurance quote to go for.

Some people’s favourite music games is trying to sing this at the highest key possible on the karaoke machine, with usually hilarious results, typically at the point the words say “but they’re not foolin’ me”:

Source: worldrec.info

Sure, it’s important to get your message out to everyone, but make sure you do a sense check before sending, otherwise you can be spreading some Christmas cheer for the wrong reasons.

Here is an example of a wrong Christmas message

I think they meant prosperous

Bill Cosby once said that Men and women belong to different species, and communication between them is a science still in its infancy.

This cartoon shows that men and women think differently

Useless facts are sometimes more interesting than useful facts. For instance, people spend about two weeks of their lives at traffic lights and a snail can sleep for three years. This is more interesting than most of the stories on the news last night. Do you agree?

More useless info:

• - Barbie’s full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts
• - American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad in first class.
• - People spend about two weeks of their lives at traffic lights!
• - Left handed people live slightly shorter lives than right handed people.
• - Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England, but only in tropical fish stores.
• - If the entire population of earth was reduced to exactly 100 people,50% of the world’s currency would be held by 6 people.
• - In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
• - A snail can sleep for three years.
• - In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world’s nuclear weapons combined.
• - Pearls melt in vinegar.
• - Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
• - Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
• - You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television

Source: stunning-stuff.com

A football fan who wanted a beautiful grin to match the beautiful game brushed his teeth at Stamford Bridge as he watched Chelsea beat Manchester United.

The supporter was caught on film cleaning his pearly whites during the game Premiership and the clip was promptly posted on YouTube.

Within hours more than 100000 people had viewed the bizarre entry, which was posted by several different users.

This is dental hygiene to the extreme

Source: telegraph.co.uk

Is the workload getting to you, feeling stressed or too many Priority 1 assignments? Here is the new low cost way to cope with multiple Priority 1 assignments (lol).

Take 2 paper clips and rubber bands. Fig 1

Assemble them as shown on the picture. Fig. 2

Apply as shown in fig 3.

Enjoy your day.
This new office equipment will help you to reach the end of the day with a smile on your face!

Form: businessfunnies.com

Sometime around the turn of this century, guys began buzzing over a proposed showdown between the two biggest icons in comic book history

This debate has drawn a lot of intrest and a website has been created for this debate.

Some comments include

#1: The batman would lose very badly against superman un less ,batman has a piece of kyptonite of planet kypton on hand to negate the powers of superman

#2: Batman would beat Superman every time! The greatest superpower is always intelligence. Batman has beaten Superman on every occasion where they’ve met as adversaries. Superman, from the Lords of Justice, took a serious beat-down from Batman

#3: Superman would totally win!
Why? He would win because he can face any challenge or anyone at anytime!
He has all the right powers a super hero need while Batman only has a few gadgets and can’t really “fly” at all he may have that hot car but Superman could definitely catch in one “whoosh” of his cape.

My call is that it will be the bat by a whisker. Both guys will be pretty knocked up but Lex will give the bat some kryptonite and that will be the final straw.

You can even vote on this site. Check it out.
Superman VS Batman

For many people, cheerfulness is directly proprotional to sunshine and winter means hibernation with a blanket, bad mood and chocolate.

But while the sun goes on vacay, you don’t have to be miserable. South Africa is pratically bursting with excellent comedy shows to cheer you up. All you need to do is put down the chocolate, take off the slippers and venture out to find one.

And we’ve even made it super easy for you thanks to our list of comedy shows and clubs that should not be missed. Now, put down the chocolate…

Cape Town:

Albert Hall, Woodstock is home to the “Jou Ma Se” Comedy Club. Kurt Schoonraad acts as MC and introduces both well-known and new comedians every Thursday. Expect some raunchy humour, purely South African lingo and an excellent night out. You could even be surprised by a celeb comedian or two popping in…

• Theatre on the Bay is once again hosting South Africa’s favourite comedian, Alan Committee. BIGGER! BETTER!! FASTER!!! is Alan’s 11th one man show and is running until the 1st of August.

• The Baxter Theatre is once again playing host to the Cape Town Comedy Festival, now sponsored by Nandos. Known as one of the top 5 comedy shows in the world, you can expect international and local acts that will have you rolling out of your seat.

• Kalk Bay Theatre offers a fabulous night out where you can laugh at other people’s expense. Improvision performs unscripted theatre in the form of theatre sports every Tuesday night. You can expect hysterical laughter, ridiculous situations… and to get involved yourself!

Johannesburg:

• Montecasino’s main theatre is going to filled with laughter from the 5th of August. If you missed Alan Committee in Cape Town, have no fear, he is bringing the legendary Defending the Caveman show to Jozi!

• Cool Runnings in Melville is a staple on the Jo’burg comedy circuit with Sunday being the regular comedy night. Don’t be surprised if you see an up and coming comedian just before they hit it big.

Call 011 482 4786 for more info.

• Carnival City offers daily doses of laughter for your comedy blues. Wednesdays see naughty hypnotist Alain D Woolf take the stage while Fridays and Saturdays showcase a variety of talent from Joe Parker to Chris Forrest.

Durban:

The Playhouse Opera Theatre presents the Queens of Comedy - television personalities Krijay Govender, Leeanda Reddy and Kaseran Pillay. Sharp-witted stand up comedic routines are inter-mixed with hilarious sketches on everything from marriage to funerals – offering you a new perspective on life.

• The Comedy Express in the Krakatoa Bar at Sibaya Casino hosts local comedians every Friday night. You night out of laughter can also include a little gambling at the casino – just don’t spend all your winter chocolate money all at once.

Call 031 580 5000  to book.

Bloemfontein:

• Bloemfontein City Hall is showcasing Max Kaan the hypnotist – for one night only. You may remember him from his SABC TV show Nowhereland with Max Kaan and now you can see him live on the 5th of August 2009.

Pretoria:

• SA State Theatre is showcasing the antics of some of South Africa’s heavyweights in the comedy world. TV personalities from Phat Joe join the cast of the film Bunny Chow to cheer you up and will soon have you feeling much better about winter.

Port Elizabeth:

• The Port Elizabeth Opera House is featuring a hysterical show brough to you by celebrated comedian Casper de Vries. For 4 nights only in September, Broedersancestors will explore our past and heritage in a way that only South Africans will understand – and will have you laughing along the way.

Source: gotravel24.com

Pretty weird can be the formed if certain celebrities get hitched. Names like Megan Fox Hunt and Yoko Ono Bono are just few. Here are a few weird celebrity new names:

Can you add a few?

If Megan Fox married William Hunt she’d be Megan Fox Hunt

If Queen Latifa married Larry King she’d be Queen King
If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she’d be Bo Ho

If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she’d be Yoko Ono Bono.

If Toni Braxton married Michael Jackson she’d be Toni Braxton Jackson

If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she’d be Dolly Dali.

If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader, she’d be Ella Vader.

If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she’d be Oprah Chopra.

If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg, he’d be Cat Doggy Dogg.

If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she’d be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.

If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she’d become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.

If Bea Arthur married Sting, she’d be Bea Sting.

If Whoopie Goldberg married Peter Cushing, she’d be Whoopie Cushing
If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he’d be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh

Do you know of a few more funny potential celebrity married names?

Source: ebraumsworld.com

South African vintners in the Stellenbosch area, which primarily produce Pinotage, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as

PINO MORE

What’s not to like about Japan? What’s not to like about the fascinating countries of China, Thailand and South Korea? Not only do these places offer some of the best eats, treats and cultural delights on the globe, but they’ve devoted centuries to the ancient art of KICKING ASS WITHOUT WEAPONS.

Another interesting thing about the Far East is that many people do not speak much English. But with English being the international language of commerce and all, they have to try anyway. Hence we have Engrish, the colourful language you get when dodgy translation and signage collide.

Source: speakerbox.co.za