On landing the hostess said, ‘Please be sure to take all your belongings. If you’re going to leave
anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have.’

‘There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways to leave the aircraft.’

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Auckland , a lone Voice came over the loudspeaker:
‘Whoa, big fella. WHOA!’

From a Airline employee: ‘Welcome aboard Flight X to Y to operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don’t know
how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public un-supervised.’

‘In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.

‘Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.’

Another flight attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing: ‘We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.’

After a real crusher of a landing in Sydney , the Flight Attendant came on with, ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching
halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we’ll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.’

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